VKENDOLOGY: Researching the formula for the perfect night out | VK Vodka Kick

VKendology: Your Guide to the Perfect Night Out

Follow this simple scientific formula to make sure you have the perfect night out.

PNO = (A+Sp)* (N + V + T + TFT) * (E), where:

A is the Attractiveness factor – ideally, wear new, or nearly new clothes and spend up to two hours getting ready, with friends preferably. Over two hours leads to indecisiveness and doubt, so keep a stopwatch on it

Sp is the Spontaneity factor – we’re not as spontaneous as we’d like to believe: more than half of us still prefer a planned night out. But don’t plan too far in advance as it leads to high expectations. A week is ideal

N is the Number of friends - go out in a group of even numbers, and no more than eight friends. Odd numbers often mean someone is left out, which can lead to stress and will inevitably change the dynamic of the group. A group of over eight people is too many people to organise and keep together, so the smaller the group, the more harmonious your night will be.

V is the Venue factor - visit no more than five venues and queue for no longer than ten minutes. A bar crawl can be hectic and restricts your ability to relax and unwind as you are constantly thinking of the next move. Queuing also creates impatience and irritation, which is not ideal for your PNO and can ruin the rest of your evening

T is the Timing Factor - start no earlier than 8.30pm. This is when the atmosphere in venues increases and you will benefit from ‘the buzz’ that ensures your night out begins on the right foot. Also, finish no later than 2.30am to avoid fatigue – you’ll have better memories of your evening if you have a good night’s sleep afterwards.

TFT is how much core ‘fun time’ you have - according to research findings, the traditional Saturday night is certainly not dead. 43 per cent of us prefer this day of the week as our chosen night on the tiles, so for maximum fun choose Saturday as the date for your PNO. The optimum time for fun was found to be 11.15pm. This is when you’ve had enough time to establish the dynamics amongst the group you’re out with, the venue atmosphere is at its peak and you have enough energy to look forward to the remainder of the night

E is the End of Evening Factor - ideally, meet a new friend or potential new girlfriend / boyfriend (multiply, if possible). If not, have a take-away on the way home

Scoring sheet:

PNO factor	Score (between 1 and 10, 1 being the least favourable and 10 being the most)
How attractive do you feel? (score 1 = awful, self-conscious and ugly, do I have to go out? / 10 = absolutely drop dead gorgeous in my brand spanking new outfit)
How long do you usually spend getting ready? (score 1 = I start as soon as I wake up – this face needs work! / 10 = around an hour tops, it’s more fun to spend time chatting with my friends than stressing over what I look like)
How planned is your night out? (score 1 = I’ve had it planned forever, my expectations are really high / 10 = we just decided last week, we’ll see how it turns out)
How many friends are you going out with? (score 1 = there’s about 20 of us, it’s going to be huuuuge / 10 = there’s just a small group of us, even numbers, less hassle that way)
How many venues will you be visiting? (score 1 = as many as physically possible / 10 = we’ll limit it to between 2 and 5)
Are you prepared to queue to get into a particular venue? (score 1 = yes I’m prepared to waste half my night in boring queues / 10 = only for a max of ten minutes, and the place would have to be really special)
How long do you plan on being out for? (score 1 = into the early hours and until I’m absolutely dead on my feet / 10 = between 4-6 hours, between 8.30pm and 2.30am)
Will you speak to new people during the evening? (score 1 = no way, I hate talking to strangers, 10 = yes, I’d love to meet a new ‘friend’ and aim to talk to lots of people during my night out
TOTAL (maximum 80 points)

Score

70 – 80: Wooooo hoooo, I’m going to have the best night EVER and paint the town red!
60 – 69: This is going to be a cracker, definitely one to remember
41-59: Another Saturday night on the tiles – expect an average time
20-40: Brace yourself, this could be a waste of time
0-19: Don’t even bother